soselfimportant:

4:35 Blaze it sorry traffic was crazy

sweeneytad:

*dentist slaughters family in front of you*

they’re bleeding because you don’t floss

dietchola:

this guy at my school wears really short shorts all the time and i asked him why he doesn’t wear normal cut shorts and he said “if the sky is out, then my thighs are out” god bless

rocketpowers:

there are teenagers who have unprotected sex but have a case for their iphone

just let that sink in

johnfkennedy:

she wears short skirts. i am john f kennedy. shes cheer captain and im john f kennedy

shotawars:

shotawars:

some guy just called my number thinking i was a male prostitute, and he started talking to me about how much he could pay me so i pulled up gunshot noises on my computer and started screaming and he panicked and hung up

911 jUST FFUCKING CALLLLED ME IA AMC LAUGHHING SO HARD I TOLD THEM THE SITUEATION AND I’M STULL FUCMKING LAUGHING BECUASE NO W HTE’YRE TRACING THE GUY TO ARREST HIM FOR TRYING TO SOLICITEA ND PAY FOR SEX

I’VE DONE A GOOD

selfdoubtandsyphilis:

dankestrnemes:

do animals think in english or in the sounds they make

this is what yahoo paid $1.1 billion for

you-pray-too-loud-pickebicke:

robiningravens:

samapitongzabala:

ceshira:

samapitongzabala:

phoebux:

tetrastructuralmind:

tetrastructuralmind:

fierce

wHY IS THIS GETTING NOTES AGAIN NO

laUGHS AT YOUR PAIN REESE

my hands slipped

it’s transparent btw

…

and we almost forgot his butt

I’M SCREAMING

GET ON MY BLOG you beautiful piece of shit, you!!

android18:

meanwhile at tumblr headquarters

krabwatch:

finally an option that fits me